Attraction (III)

I won't write about phyisical forces, gramatical phenomena,magnetism or gravity. No, I am going to write about something much much stronger.

It is the force that brings people together, for this post in particular it is the force that brings them together to reproduce. Yes, this post is about sexual attraction and in it you will read about what this phenomena is, how it works for men, how it works for women and what I think we can do with the knowledge of attraction in everyday life.

Sexual attraction is evolutionary mechanism which occurs in many animal spicies for one single goal: Reproduction. It should lead us towards mating with the person who we feel is going to ensure that our offspring have the biggest chance of survival and furthure reproduction. In humans this mechanism is unconscious and emotional. We are probably the only species to have the ability to transgress the standardization of what is attractive. Therefore our uprising and socialisation tells our unconscious mind what is attractive. And when it finds these traits, all kinds of powerfull feelings take over. We like to call it chemisty, feeling it in the guts...and as you surely know, we can't really affect or change it with our mind. The only choice we have is to take action and face possible rejection or try to supress the feeling and don't take any action, which can lead to negative emotions... The process of attraction does vary from person to person, yet we all are inherently a part of the human species and as such there are many commonalities. But the greatest differences of percepting attraction occurs among men and women. So lets look at this more interesting part...

For man this process is a lot simpler so lets tackle it first. When a man sees a desirable woman he can quickly ( by that I mean a few seconds or less) become attracted. So what are these desirable traits that trigger the attraction? As I said before we are all unconsciously looking for a mate that will ensure that we get healthy, quality offspring, and therefore these traits are: signs of youthfulness, healthyness, lack of parasites :) , shiny skin... and if you think for a second, the cosmetic industry is makes a lot of money on products that, for a certain period of time, enhance these features. Of course we men are not focused on looks alone, so other traits such as personality, style, communication and status also matter but unfortunately they don't come close to the influence of looks on attraction. For example, do you know many man who wouldn't be attracted:

For women looks are also important, but I belive that other factors have much greater weight for them as they have for men. Why? Because they need to ensure the survival of the potential offspring in their unconscious mind. So the traits they find attractive are hence based more on security and longevity of relationships: athletic & being capable to protect her and her baby, and to hunt for food ( an interesting left over of the past) and to do that effectively a male has to be a symetrical as possible... ( according to the researches done...) So some fitness does indeed help. But in my view being succesful is very ( more) important as well, because this is indicative of the ability to provide for a family. This is a desirable trait that is shared by females thought the animal kingdom. So it helps if you show that you have resources to offer and that you are capable of geting more of them, because of your high self esteem, being dominant, even being funny and bright...( = positive and perspective personality). These behavioural types also lead to powerful attraction, although it takes a lot more time than it does for men, because these traits are harder to recognise and make sure they aren't fake.

So what have we learned and how can we use it?

For men it is important to understand, that just going to fitness and getting 6pacs on their tummy isn't really going to cut it. It can help, but only if it is used and combined with a powerful personality that shows to a woman that you are high on the society power scale and that you will be able to take care of her. Again, these processes are unconscious, so it doesn't matter if she is the richest, most emancipated chick in town. And by displaying these traits to her unconscious mind you can create a powerful emotional response, which will lead ( when treated proprely) you both to what you desire deep inside/genetically ;). The opposite can be said for women and I must say that by studying this topic, my understanding of all the make up, diet, aerobics... things have become just a bit more clear to me. But there is an important unanswered question for me... can and how can you enhance the desirable traits in yourself?

Sexual attraction can lead to passionate sex, big frustrations, or grow into a loving relationship, but as ever we should never underestimate the mysterious eqasions of love.