Sunday, April 30, 2006

What's the prize? (II)
Firstly I would like to thank for the comments, which made me realise, that I have much to learn if I want to share my ideas/views more clearly. They even made me think about the thinking I am not usually aware of. Anyway thanks for holding the mirror.
Why do I need chicks anyway? Why don't I simply enjoy being a bachelor? Do I need to get married and have children or is a mistress or two enough for my happines? Should I even, from now on, follow the example of great scollars like Newton and Galilei, who were never at all fond of women and died virgins because their carrer was far more important( = become a monk)?
There are two main reasons why we look for a partner:
1. genetic - for our species to exist, we come pre- wired with a subconscious system which makes us look for mating oportunities.
2. social - through socialisation we are learnd how to behave so that we fit in the society, and the attitude towards mating is an important part of it.
In every one of us, these two factors have different magnitudes or scales so that they mix into an individual personality. Some have enherited extremly high need for mating and if the socialisation is not "appropriate" then "unadequate" types of behaviour occur ( rapists, nymphomaniacs...) while some others die a virgin, because they don't have the mating need. The person who genetically needs more mating is probably also more motivated to look for it and therefore engages himself in more activities that lead to it. And with these activities the social factor kicks in. Based on our programming we humans make decisons how to deal with the subconscious & hormone need that is genetically driven. And this programming is often in a world war with the genetic factor, because we are brought up very differently and oftentimes in sharp contrast to our genetic needs. For instance around 60 years ago it was a sin to have sex before marriage( hopefully I'll have the will to write about catholic church and its methods soon). You don't have to be a Ph.D psychologist to realize that this kind of social intervention in a genetic process brings up many conflicts inside an individual. How this conflict affects his thinking and influence on his needs and whishes is a very complicated, probably unsolvable question. But the important thing is that everyone should BE AWARE of these processes and with that in mind again ask himself what does he really want for himself. What does he feel is right for him. Only when you know your goals you are able to fully act, without having limiting doubts if you are doing the right thing.
The goals are of coarse not fixed, because the social and hormone driven needs change through life, but thinking you know what you are doing makes you more succesful in the process itself, because it decreases the subconscious obstacles. And that is why it is so important that you know what you want. What your personal prize is?
If you have this basic question solved you can then work on your mind set, get past your issues ( like fear of approaching, self conscience...) on this topic and start acting more proactively towards wining you personal prize.
PS: everyone knows and decides what he wants best (and always should), but I found an intersting fact. In a study scientists from bristol have discovered, that individuals without a good relationship must earn 50.000 euros per year more to have the same utiliy, joy... as those in a good relationship.

2 comments:

Sergej said...

Funny thing though, you forgot the most important factor, more important than society or genetics for human behavior in my oppinion. Freedom of choice, makes the life worthwile.

* said...

Congratulations on reading the whole post!
Freedom of choice, proactivity, being self active in making choices ( samodejavnost )... whatever you call it can be very important part of individuals personality and life ( as we have learnd in high school psychology) but in this context it is has less weight, because the processes that leads to situations where you can choose freely are subconscious.
After you have decided what do you want in your love life ( post I on this topic) the majority of decisions are subconcsious. Again, you can't think yourself into liking or even loving somebody.

Or are you capable of choosing your emotions freely? :)